The year of being normal -- How the most expensive pizza of my life resulted in delayed gratzification -- Eight Madmen, the biggest asshole in Ohio and one very normal guy -- How to get your very own Madman nickname -- Normal guys walk with pretty girls who giggle -- A word from my sponsor -- Shoemaker's kid -- Tales of the Madman Underground -- "Don't be an asshole," explained in easy-to-understand terms -- Cussing a blue streak does not work on goddam ghoul bastards -- I was a third-grade Communist -- Two stooges short of an act -- An afternoon down the toilet -- In their backseat or at McDonald's, the Madmen sleep tonight -- That, son, was the Lone Madman -- The value of anything -- Tonto joins the All-Faggot Midnight Softball League -- Tales the Madmen never tell -- Love, waffles, Capitalism, Scooby-Doo, and a grave in the rain -- You can't throw away a great deal like that -- How many Madman stories ever made any sense? -- Paradise lost, bedshitter found, Paradise regained -- Water under the bridge, letting the cat out of the bag, everyone's beautiful naked, and several other clichés -- The long end of the stick isn't so hot either -- A completely normal Monday, if you happen to be a Madman -- How Uncle Al became my favorite Hollering Asshole, and vice versa -- I love the McDonald's crowd, I always feel like I'm coming home here.