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Summary
Summary
In this colorful, eye-opening memoir, Jayanti Tamm offers an unforgettable glimpse into the hidden world of growing up "cult" in mainstream America. Through Jayanti's fascinating story--the first book to chronicle Sri Chinmoy--she unmasks a leader who convinces thousands of disciples to follow him, scores of nations to dedicate monuments to him, and throngs of celebrities (Sting, Pope John Paul II, Nelson Mandela) to extol him.
When the short, bald man in flowing robes prophesizes Jayanti to be the "Chosen One," her life is forever entwined with the charismatic guru Sri Chinmoy, who declares himself a living god. A god who performs sit-ups and push-ups in front of thousands as holy ritual, protects himself with a platoon of bodyguards, and bans books, TV, and sex. Jayanti's unusual and increasingly bizarre childhood is spent shuttling between the ashram in Queens, New York, and her family's outpost as "Connecticut missionaries." On the path to enlightenment decreed by Guru, Jayanti scrubs animal cages in his illegal basement zoo, cheerleads as he weight lifts an elephant in her front yard, and trails him around the world as he pursues celebrities such as Princess Diana and Mother Teresa.
But, when her need for enlightenment is derailed by her need for boys, Jayanti risks losing everything that she has ever known, including the person that she was ordained to be. With tenderness, insight, and humor, Jayanti explores the triumphs and trauma of an insider who longs to be an outsider, her hard-won decision to finally break free, and the unique challenges she confronts as she builds a new life.
Author Notes
JAYANTI TAMM is an English professor at Ocean County College in New Jersey. Visit her website, www.jayantitamm.com.
Reviews (4)
Publisher's Weekly Review
Tamm's parents met in the Manhattan apartment of the guru Sri Chinmoy and quickly married each other at his insistence; when they violated his commandment not to have sex with each other, however, he regrouped by declaring that their daughter, Tamm, would become his greatest disciple. The cult leader was a skilled manipulator, and Tamm's descriptions of her internalization of his predation, constantly blaming herself for not feeling worshipful enough, are wrenching. The outward pressures were equally difficult: she was forbidden a college education and sent abroad when she was caught violating the cultwide ban on dating-and the first time she was banished from the group, she begged for readmittance. Tamm, now in her late 30s and a professor at Ocean County College in New Jersey, is unsparing in her account of the psychological damage Sri Chinmoy inflicted on her and her family, from her parent's loveless marriage to her half-brother's gleeful acceptance of the role of the guru's enforcer. She reveals the difficulties in shaking off the guru's influence-under which she had spent literally her entire life before her final expulsion-and though readers might wish to hear more about how she eventually regained her identity, the harrowing details of her story create a sense of emotional devastation that will linger. (Apr.) (c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved
Booklist Review
In this frank, clear-eyed memoir, Tamm recounts her youth as the chosen disciple of Sri Chinmoy, the wildly charismatic leader of a New York-based spiritual sect that counts celebrities and heads of nations among its millions of followers. All of my childhood memories involve trying to obey and please guru, Tamm writes, and with concise, absorbing detail, she describes her early years, spent playing board games such as Disciple Chutes and Ladders ( Did not meditate soulfully Go back ten spaces ); her chaste but forbidden teen encounters with guys, after which the Guru reminds her, The Supreme is your eternity's boyfriend ; and a young-adult crisis that leads to a suicide attempt and, ultimately, her break with the cult. Tamm never sensationalizes the facts, and her narrative restraint only intensifies the emotional impact of each incident. Witty, compassionate, and often heartbreaking, Tamm's story offers crucial insight into a cult's inner workings and methods of indoctrination. All readers, though, will recognize universal coming-of-age themes as Tamm discards unwanted childhood lessons and begins to shape an independent adult life.--Engberg, Gillian Copyright 2009 Booklist
New York Review of Books Review
Sri Chinmoy, who left an Indian ashram and in 1964 established a base in New York for what would become a worldwide spiritual movement, set forth a doctrine of self-denial. But in Tamm's memoir, the guru himself appears narcissistic to a degree befitting a man who proclaimed himself an avatar of God. Chinmoy treated Tamm as a "miracle child" after her birth to early disciples in 1970, glossing over the fact that she was conceived in violation of his prohibition against sex. Her parents remained members in good standing of an inner circle that Tamm portrays as slavishly devoted to gratifying Chinmoy's ego, turning over their money and emotional lives, competing for glimmers of his attention, denouncing heretics and swooning over his poetic, artistic and musical noodlings. The disciples also indulged his increasingly quirky enthusiasms. Tamm worked among the monkeys and exotic birds in his illegal "zoo" in a dingy sub-basement of his Queens apartment. Chinmoy was a fitness buff, and his followers constructed a contraption that allowed him to lift an elephant (as well as Nelson Mandela and Susan Sarandon - Chinmoy cultivated celebrities shamelessly). He comes off as a spiritual huckster both ridiculous and oppressive, and Tamm's indictment is more effective for being conveyed, with little rancor, from the view of a trusting child who dutifully adored the guru and only haltingly, in young adulthood, became disenchanted. Mick Sussman produces the home page for NYTimes.com.
Kirkus Review
Personal account of growing up in the cult founded by Indian guru Sri Chinmoy. Tamm (English/Ocean County Coll.) recounts the story of her childhood in a family dedicated to Chinmoy's spiritual community in Queens, N.Y., beginning with her parents' "divine marriage" in 1969. Although intended as a celibate union, her mother soon became pregnant. Chinmoy determined that the child was a special soul, destined to play a privileged role within the meditation center. As a girl, Tamm's life was shaped profoundly by this "myth of [her] birth" and by the unique status that it conferred on her. She recaptures her youthful struggles to understand the center's secretive, emotionally repressive world, and to negotiate her relationship with the outside world of mainstream America, primarily experienced through the public-school system. Written in straightforward, unadorned prose, there are occasionally comic accounts of Tamm's pre-adolescent sexual awakenings and of her dawning consciousness of the guru's complex relationships with some of his nubile young disciples. The author wryly reflects on Chinmoy's strategies of manipulation and self-aggrandizement and provides sobering details of her mother's late abortion and of the personal betrayal that caused Tamm's exile to France and eventual departure from the community. The author also offers passing references to the world figures and celebrities who passed through the meditation center, including Susan Sarandon, Princess Diana and former tennis star Steffi Graf. Because Tamm focuses tightly on the interior world of a young woman, she pays less attention to the larger cultural context of Chinmoy and his celebrity appeal. An earnest memoir of an exceptional childhood. Copyright Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.