Playing hurt : my journey from despair to hope

First Title Value for Searching:

Personal Author:

Saunders, John, 1955-2016

Edition:

First Edition.

Physical Description:

xxv, 293 pages, 8 unnumbered pages of plates : illustrations, photographs ; 24 cm.

Summary:

A candid memoir by the late ESPN and ABC Sports broadcaster reveals his longtime battle with depression and his investigations into modern medical and homeopathic treatments, exploring how the disease affected his career and relationships.

Contents:

Preface: Looking over the edge -- Introduction -- Part one. Growing up the hard way -- An oasis of love -- An indecent proposal -- Playing with fire -- He ain't heavy -- The salvation of sports -- Looking for a little relief -- My two selves -- The drug business -- Hurting myself -- Part two. Trying to build a better life -- Moving out, moving on, moving back -- Falling in love -- Go west -- Getting married -- Country John Saunders -- Chasing a new dream -- Making it in Moncton -- Bright lights, big city -- Big man in Baltimore -- A family of my own -- The worldwide leader -- Our sister -- Livin' in America -- Part three. The façade cracks -- The psych ward -- Dr. Dangerous -- Falling backward -- Scaling Mt. Sinai -- Learning to walk -- A high-stakes stroll in the park -- Ready for prime time? -- Testing, testing -- Part four. Collision course -- The damage of Doctor Dangerous revealed -- Let the bad times roll -- Stumbling toward unhappiness -- A day in the doldrums -- Peering over the Tappan Zee Bridge -- Back to the bridge -- Crunch time -- You've got to admit it's getting better -- Jimmy V, Dickie V, and cardio V -- Learning the best lesson.

Subject Term:

Sportscasters -- United States -- Biography.

Bipolar disorder -- Biography.

Canadian Americans

Additional Credits:

Bacon, John U., 1964-

Albom, Mitch, 1958-

Publication Info:

New York : Da Capo Press, 2017.

Subject:

Sportscasters -- United States -- Biography.

Bipolar disorder -- Biography.

Canadian Americans

Saunders, John, 1955-2016

Color commentators (Sportscasters)

Play-by-play announcers

Play-by-play commentators

Sportcasters

Sports announcers

Sports broadcasters

Sports commentators (Broadcasters)

Sports journalists

Affective psychoses, Bipolar

Bipolar depression

Bipolar mood disorder

Depression, Bipolar

Depression, Manic

Manic depression

Manic-depressive illness

Manic-depressive psychoses

Manic-depressive psychosis

Melancholia

Psychoses, Manic-depressive

Canadian Americans -- United States

SAILS ISBN:

9780306824739

Available:

Library	Shelf Number	Shelf Location	Status
Searching... Holmes Public Library	92 SAUNDERS	NONFICTION	Searching... Unknown
Searching... Mansfield Public Library	616.85 S	NONFICTION	Searching... Unknown
Searching... New Bedford Free Public Library	B SAUNDERS 2017	BIOGRAPHY	Searching... Unknown

Bound With These Titles

On Order

Summary

For the first time ever, the popular late host of ESPN's The Sports Reporters and ABC's college football openly discusses a lifelong battle with depression.

During his three decades on ESPN and ABC, John Saunders became one of the nation's most respected and beloved sportscasters. In this moving, jarring, and ultimately inspiring memoir, Saunders discusses his troubled childhood, the traumatic brain injury he suffered in 2011, and the severe depression that nearly cost him his life. As Saunders writes,

Playing Hurt is not an autobiography of a sports celebrity but a memoir of a man facing his own mental illness, and emerging better off for the effort. I will take you into the heart of my struggle with depression, including insights into some of its causes, its consequences, and its treatments.

I invite you behind the facade of my apparently "perfect" life as a sportscaster, with a wonderful wife and two healthy, happy adult daughters. I have a lot to be thankful for, and I am truly grateful. But none of these things can protect me or anyone else from the disease of depression and its potentially lethal effects.

Mine is a rare story: that of a black man in the sports industry openly grappling with depression. I will share the good, the bad, and the ugly, including the lengths I've gone to to conceal my private life from the public.

So why write a book? Because I want to end the pain and heartache that comes from leading a double life. I also want to reach out to the millions of people, especially men, who think they're alone and can't ask for help.

John Saunders died suddenly on August 10, 2016, from an enlarged heart, diabetes, and other complications. This book is his ultimate act of generosity to help those who suffer from mental illness, and those who love them.

Reviews (3)

Kirkus Review

The late ESPN host and commentator recounts years of struggle with mental illness.Saunders (1955-2016) died of what co-writer Bacon (Endzone: The Rise, Fall, and Return of Michigan Football, 2015, etc.) describes as "a combination of enlarged heart, complications from his diabetes, and dysautonomia, which affects the automatic nervous system that regulates breathing, blood pressure, and heart rate." In other words, he died at 61 of what are generally considered natural causes. The hardships Saunders recounts here are of a more existential nature: abused as a child, he grew up dependent on drugs and alcohol, more than once contemplating suicide: "I preferred fantasizing about dying in spectacular fashion than planning how I might actually do it." Though inclined to self-belittlement rather than self-aggrandizement, he was also a formidable hockey player who didn't mind the brutality of the sport. One key passage describes a series of maneuvers that by all rights should have led to banishment: "to understand a cross-check, imagine gripping a broomstick with your hands about three feet apart, then using the middle portion to smash someone's face while he's skating toward you." Deciding he was better suited to the other side of the glass, Saunders worked his way through the ranks of sports reporting and announcing, beginning with a minor station in New Brunswick and ending up at the pinnacle, ESPN. Even there, he writes, he contemplated leaping from the Tappan Zee bridge and ending his unhappiness. Of as much interest as his difficulties are his efforts to overcome illness, from cognitive therapy to medication and hospitalization; some of it worked, at least for a while, but much did not. Saunders writes without much flair but with plenty of awareness. "Depression allows you to have incredible insights into other people's souls yet still be incapable of transferring those insights to your own situation," he writesthough the chief point of his tale is that insight can come, if at a price. A story that merits both sympathy and attention. Copyright Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.

Booklist Review

Saunders, who passed away at 61 in 2016, was a highly respected ESPN broadcaster who always brought good-humored enthusiasm to his work. So it may come as a surprise to most readers to learn that Saunders battled severe clinical depression most of his life. This moving chronicle of his struggle with the disease was gently revised to include details of his death. As he states early on, he was ashamed he kept his depression hidden and thought telling his story might help others battling the same disease. At various times, Saunders' condition led to suicidal thoughts, self-harm, drug abuse, and troubles with intimacy. Yet he kept going, having a successful career, raising a family, and finding some level of peace. In one of the most harrowing episodes, Saunders recounts his lengthy recovery from cognitive damage incurred after a fainting spell. Readers will ache for him as he struggles to overcome brain trauma while still battling depression. This is a tough read; there's a lot of pain on the pages. But, as Saunders promised in his preface, there's a kind of hope as well.--Lukowsky, Wes Copyright 2017 Booklist

Library Journal Review

An excellent athlete in his youth, for the past 25 years ESPN mainstay Saunders (1955-2016) had enjoyed his roles as a journalist and commentator, watching and discussing sports. Then he suffered setbacks, including an accidental fall in the studio that resulted in a traumatic brain injury and a later heart attack. Less obvious but more damaging was the clinical depression that had haunted him since a childhood fraught with abuse, ultimately leading him a few months before his heart attack to peer over the edge of the Tappan Zee Bridge and ponder jumping. This personal account seeks to address his depression in hopes of reaching others, especially African American men like himself who may be hesitant to analyze or discuss their feelings. With the help of counseling and medication, Saunders kept his depression at bay. However, he died shortly after finishing his first draft of this posthumously published memoir. VERDICT For sports fans and anyone who has struggled with depression.-Jim Burns, formerly with Jacksonville P.L., FL © Copyright 2017. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.

Mitch AlbomJohn U. BaconJohn U. BaconJohn U. Bacon

Foreword	p. xi
Author's Note	p. xvii
Preface: Looking Over the Edge	p. xix
Introduction	p. xxiii
Part 1 Growing up the Hard Way
1 An Oasis of Love	p. 3
2 An Indecent Proposal	p. 10
3 Playing with Fire	p. 13
4 He Ain't Heavy	p. 27
5 The Salvation of Sports	p. 30
6 Looking for a Little Relief	p. 36
7 My Two Selves	p. 42
8 The Drug Business	p. 47
9 Hurting Myself	p. 51
Part 2 Trying to Build a Better Life
10 Moving Out, Moving On, Moving Back	p. 57
11 Falling in Love	p. 70
12 Go West	p. 76
13 Getting Married	p. 80
14 Country John Saunders	p. 84
15 Chasing a New Dream	p. 94
16 Making It in Moncton	p. 99
17 Bright Lights, Big City	p. 111
18 Big Man in Baltimore	p. 118
19 A Family of My Own	p. 132
20 The Worldwide Leader	p. 139
21 Our Sister	p. 144
22 Livin' in America	p. 150
Part 3 The Façade Cracks
23 The Psych Ward	p. 157
24 Dr. Dangerous	p. 171
25 Falling Backward	p. 175
26 Scaling Mt. Sinai	p. 182
27 Learning to Walk	p. 190
28 A High-Stakes Stroll in the Park	p. 200
29 Ready for Prime Time?	p. 211
30 Testing, Testing	p. 218
Part 4 Collision Course
31 The Damage of Doctor Dangerous Revealed	p. 227
32 Let the Bad Times Roll	p. 232
33 Stumbling Toward Unhappiness	p. 238
34 A Day in the Doldrums	p. 244
35 Peering Over the Tappan Zee Bridge	p. 249
36 Back to the Bridge	p. 254
37 Crunch Time	p. 257
38 You've Got to Admit It's Getting Better	p. 263
39 Jimmy V, Dickie V, and Cardio V	p. 268
40 Learning the Best Lesson	p. 277
Afterword	p. 283
Acknowledgments	p. 291

Available:

Bound With These Titles

On Order

Summary

Summary

Reviews (3)

Kirkus Review

Booklist Review

Library Journal Review

Table of Contents