Foreword / by Ree Drummond, the pioneer woman -- Introduction -- Give me a casual corner suit and get out of my way -- How Walmart and a Frito Pie made all the difference -- Yes, Virginia, there is such a thing as a Naugahyde sofa -- Se habla Van Halen? -- Why a Trans Am might be overrated -- The dirty truth of a white couch -- Forty is not the new thirty -- Bangs, bangs, you're dead -- So you think you can parent -- Fish, frogs, crabs, and a farm of lies -- True tales of canine delinquents -- The glamorous life of a writer -- To exercise or not to exercise? That's not a real question -- Autocorrect is the Devil -- The leader of the band -- Baby Sister -- Dodging a bullet -- When life is a mixture of sweet and sad -- Beyond measure.