| Internet and families -- Social aspects. |
| Technology and children -- Social aspects. |
| Computers and families -- Social aspects. |
| Digital media -- Social aspects. |
| Parenting |
| Families and the Internet |
| Internet and family |
| Children and technology |
| Computers and family |
| Families and computers |
| Electronic media |
| New media (Digital media) |
| Parent behavior |
| Parental behavior in humans |
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Summary
Summary
Wall Street Journal Best Nonfiction Pick; Publisher's Weekly Best Book of the Year
Clinical psychologist Catherine Steiner-Adair takes an in-depth look at how the Internet and the digital revolution are profoundly changing childhood and family dynamics, and offers solutions parents can use to successfully shepherd their children through the technological wilderness.
As the focus of the family has turned to the glow of the screen--children constantly texting their friends or going online to do homework; parents working online around the clock--everyday life is undergoing a massive transformation. Easy access to the Internet and social media has erased the boundaries that protect children from damaging exposure to excessive marketing and the unsavory aspects of adult culture. Parents often feel they are losing a meaningful connection with their children. Children are feeling lonely and alienated. The digital world is here to stay, but what are families losing with technology's gain?
As renowned clinical psychologist Catherine Steiner-Adair explains, families are in crisis as they face this issue, and even more so than they realize. Not only do chronic tech distractions have deep and lasting effects but children also desperately need parents to provide what tech cannot: close, significant interactions with the adults in their lives. Drawing on real-life stories from her clinical work with children and parents and her consulting work with educators and experts across the country, Steiner-Adair offers insights and advice that can help parents achieve greater understanding, authority, and confidence as they engage with the tech revolution unfolding in their living rooms.
Reviews (4)
Publisher's Weekly Review
In a book that should be required reading for all parents, Steiner-Adair examines the extraordinary negative impact of the digital revolution on parents and children. A practicing clinical psychologist and parent, Steiner-Adair shares cautionary tales from her work with children and adolescents, families, and schools, as well as the work of her colleagues. Her deepest concern lies with parents who, because of their use of technology (smart phones, iPad's, the Internet), are distracted from their children at moments when they would otherwise have been engaged. From birth, babies sense this distraction, so she suggests that parents "follow the consensus of expert medical, scientific, psychological, and other child development opinion to leave tech out of your baby's life for the first twenty-four months." She sounds the alarm consistently throughout her book. Preschool-age children have told her "how disheartening it is to have to vie for their parent's attention and often come in second" to technology. She ties the "dramatic rise" in ADD/ADHD diagnoses to the "negative effects of media and screen play on children's self-regulation, attention, aggressive behaviors, sleep, and play patterns." In addition to discussing examples of cyberbullying, she explores tweens and teens' lack of real-life connections as they conduct more of their social lives online. Throughout this highly readable study, Steiner-Adair offers sound and sympathetic advice regarding this unprecedented "revolution in the living room." Agent: Kim Witherspoon, InkWell Management. (Aug.) (c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.
Kirkus Review
Parents and children may be enjoying "swift and constant access to everything and everyone on the Internet," but they are losing "a meaningful personal connection with each other in their own homes." So warns Steiner-Adair (Psychiatry/Harvard Medical School; Full of Ourselves: A Wellness Program to Advance Girl Power, Health, and Leadership, 2005, etc.), who argues that family life has been dangerously eroded as parents have become increasingly addicted to digital devices. Their obsession with online connectivity provides an inappropriate role model for their children and takes a special toll on young children, who need undivided attention. Instead, parents use digital devices to occupy their children; these days, the author notes, some preschoolers are more adept at manipulating digital devices than tying their own shoes. Parental inattention is responsible for increased injuries to children, according to the Centers for Disease Control; 22 percent of adults who send text messages are "so distracted by their devices that they have physically bumped into an object or person." Steiner-Adair's primary concern, however, is not the physical but the psychological damage inflicted on children by multitasking parents; in her clinical practice, she finds children "tired of being the 'call waiting' in their parents' lives." The author also addresses psychological issues that can arise when children are overexposed to the media and to inappropriate content such as the violence and sexual stereotyping in computer games. She is concerned that the current tendency to substitute texting for direct communication may be eroding empathy by creating a rapid-response environment in which sexual flaunting, rumor and gossip flourish. She emphasizes that indirect communication is inherently impoverished, eliminating body language and vocal cues. This makes it even more important for parents to create an emotionally satisfying, sheltering family environment that fosters character development. An important guide to an occasionally overlooked aspect of modern parenting.]] Copyright Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.
Booklist Review
Parents face the paradox of the faster, broader communication and access to information that technology brings leading to disconnection in the family as its members communicate less often face-to-face. Clinical psychologist and family therapist Steiner-Adair explores the changes in the dynamics of family life when there are fewer conversations around the dinner table, fewer play dates with children actually physically playing together, and fewer pretend games. Drawing on therapy sessions and interviews with parents, children, and educators, Steiner-Adair reports some children feeling neglected by parents enthralled by their cell phones or computers and parents feeling left out of their children's lives as they engage electronically with friends, games, and other distractions. Beyond any fears of the neurological threats of technology, Steiner-Adair points to the emotional costs of being worn down by constant communication and hasty responses and from being ignored by others as they communicate via electronic devices. She offers advice on how to develop a sustainable family that recognizes how pervasive technology is but focuses on the need to develop emotional connections between parents and children.--Bush, Vanessa Copyright 2010 Booklist
New York Review of Books Review
Parents more interested in checking their email than helping their kids with homework. Babies anxiously "swiping" magazines as if they were iPads. Preteen girls texting pictures of their undeveloped breasts. In "The Big Disconnect," Steiner-Adair, a psychologist, paints a bleak picture of how families interact with technology, arguing that our disengagement from real life is interfering with babies' brain development and wreaking havoc with intrafamily communication. "The Big Disconnect" will most likely have parents cringing in recognition - who among us hasn't handed off an iPhone for a blessed few quiet minutes in a restaurant? This is an unsettling but necessary book, confirming what parents probably already know but do their best not to think about. We're raising babies who seek instant gratification over imagination, and teenagers who think even talking on the phone is too "intrusive" compared with texting. As one expert in attention deficit disorder puts it, "stimulation has replaced connection." That said, Steiner-Adair can veer into fogyish moral panic. Adolescent sexuality and cruelty existed before the Internet, and while technology can exacerbate youthful stupidity, it seems a stretch for technology to take all the blame. After all, teenagers wrote each other dirty notes on paper before they sent them online or over the phone. Some of the predicaments in "The Big Disconnect" also seem a consequence of troubles other than of technology. The father who argues his fifth-grade son has a First Amendment right to send a video of adult men "in behavior suggestive of anal sex" to a female classmate would be a problem parent whether or not the Internet existed. And though Steiner-Adair mentions the positive ways young people can relate to one another online, her examples feel obligatory rather than substantive. "The Big Disconnect" is best when suggesting tangible solutions. With the exception of a strange sample "conversation" warning boys that receiving oral sex could result in a false rape charge, Steiner-Adair provides helpful suggestions for parents seeking to limit tech time and re-engage with their children.
Table of Contents
| Introduction: The Revolution in the Living Room | p. 1 |
| Chapter 1 Lost in Connection: How the Tech Effect Puts Children's Development at Risk | p. 33 |
| Chapter 2 The Brilliant Baby Brain: No Apps or Upgrades Needed | p. 66 |
| Chapter 3 Mary Had a Little iPad: The Wisdom of Tradition, the Wonder of Tech: Ages Three to Five | p. 99 |
| Chapter 4 Fast-Forward Childhood: When to Push Pause, Delete, and Play: Ages Six to Ten | p. 129 |
| Chapter 5 Going, Going, Gone: Tweens, Screens, and the Perils of Independence: Ages Eleven to Thirteen | p. 162 |
| Chapter 6 Teens, Tech, Temptation, and Trouble: Acting Out on the Big (and Little) Screen | p. 193 |
| Chapter 7 Scary, Crazy, and Clueless: Teens Talk about How to Be a Go-To Parent in the Digital Age | p. 226 |
| Chapter 8 The Sustainable Family: Turning Tech into an Ally for Closeness, Creativity, and Community | p. 260 |
| Acknowledgments | p. 297 |
| Notes | p. 305 |
| Bibliography | p. 335 |
| Index | p. 361 |