There are no grown-ups : a midlife coming-of-age story / Pamela Druckerman.

Includes bibliographical references (pages [267]-274).

Introduction: Bonjour, madame -- How to find your calling -- How to choose a partner -- How to turn forty -- How to raise children -- How to hear -- How to have sex -- How to plan a ménage à trois -- How to be mortal -- How to be an expert -- How to have a midlife crisis -- How to be Jung -- How to get dressed -- How to age gracefully -- How to learn the rules -- How to be wise -- How to give advice -- How to save the furniture -- How to figure out what's happening -- How to think in French -- How to make friends -- How to say no -- How to control your family -- How to be afraid -- How to know where you're from -- How to stay married -- Conclusion: How to be a femme libre.

Druckerman asserts that there are stages to becoming a grown-up: First, you definitely aren't one. Then you pretend to be one. Then you are sure that there are no grown-ups. And then finally, maybe one day in your forties, you just are one. It's not all-knowing, omnipotent and large; it's humble, solid and small. But at long last, it feels like you. And you think, just then, that this is the best age of all. Explore the challenges of being fortysomething, of raising kids while caring for aging parents, realizing that "soul mate" is a title earned over time, and hope to finally merge your aspirational and actual selves.

"The best-selling author of Bringing Up Bébé investigates life in her forties, and wonders whether her mind will ever catch up with her face. When Pamela Druckerman turns 40, waiters start calling her 'Madame,' and she detects a disturbing new message in men's gazes: I would sleep with her, but only if doing so required no effort whatsoever. Yet forty isn't even technically middle-aged anymore. And after a lifetime of being clueless, Druckerman can finally grasp the subtext of conversations, maintain (somewhat) healthy relationships and spot narcissists before they ruin her life. What are the modern forties, and what do we know once we reach them? What makes someone a 'grown-up' anyway? And why didn't anyone warn us that we'd get cellulite on our arms? Part frank memoir, part hilarious investigation of daily life, [this book] diagnoses the in-between decade when: everyone you meet looks a little bit familiar; you're matter-of-fact about chin hair; you can no longer wear anything ironically; there's at least one sport your doctor forbids you to play; you become impatient while scrolling down to your year of birth; your parents have stopped trying to change you; you don't want to be with the cool people anymore; you want to be with your people; you realize that everyone is winging it, some just do it more confidently; you know that it's ok if you don't like jazz. Internationally best-selling author and New York Times contributor Pamela Druckerman leads us on a quest for wisdom, self-knowledge and the right pair of pants. A witty dispatch from the front lines of the forties, There Are No Grown-ups is a (midlife) coming-of-age story, and a book for anyone trying to find their place in the world."